Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
