you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
