this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
