the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
