Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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