ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
PANTIES FOUND
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
