Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Michael Bay diarrhea
honey bunches of taint.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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