This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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