Im at strip club and am horny
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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