There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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