I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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