You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
