There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
