i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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