You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
