Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
