I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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