I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
