Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
