As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
