HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
