Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
