a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
