I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
