so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
