3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
