if only i could text you this smell
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
