WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
