Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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