Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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