She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
