Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
