Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
