Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
