I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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