Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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