I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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