Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
