you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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