I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
