I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
