hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
50% drunk capacity currently
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
