I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
