my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
