My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
