hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
