So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
