hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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