I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
