There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
