So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
